The “Wall of Awful”: Why Starting “Simple” Tasks Isn’t So Simple After All
Person pushing against a brick wall to build strength. The wall isn't moving, of course.
Getting started on tasks is a well-documented challenge for many neurodivergent people. ADHDers and autistics can find themselves in front of a school assignment or project at work, knowing how important it is to get started, but feeling frozen and overwhelmed. On the outside, others may see this as procrastination or “laziness”—or may express frustration that the neurodivergent person isn’t using neuroaffirming strategies like breaking the task down into small steps to get it done. Many neurodivergent people have heard these practical tips for completing tasks many times, and feel shame and helplessness when they continue to struggle with getting started.
These strategies can be helpful, but they don’t necessarily address how to move out of this freeze state so they can even be attempted. A crucial piece of the puzzle is missing — addressing the overwhelming wave of emotions that crash over the person as they face a task, the echoes of past moments of perceived failure ringing in their ears. The person may not just be struggling with cleaning a dish; they may also be battling disappointment, frustration, and despair from years of past painful experiences. They are standing frozen, eyes wide as they stare up at their “Wall of Awful.”
What is the “Wall of Awful”?
The Wall of Awful is a metaphor coined by Brendan Mahan of ADHDessentials.com. Mahan defines the Wall as an “emotional barrier that grows out of repeated failure, preventing us from taking risks and initiating tasks.” Mahan notes that everyone has a Wall of Awful, regardless of their neurotype — but with neurodivergents facing more of these struggles throughout their lives, their Walls tend to be towering.
The “bricks” of this Wall represent negative emotions neurodivergents experience when trying to complete a task, informed by painful memories of times when they did not complete tasks successfully. Bricks get added to the Wall every time a neurodivergent person struggles with a task without the supports they need and deserve. Suddenly, doing a task like laundry or completing a job application feels impossible as the person looks up at this massive Wall, flooded by painful emotions or trying hard to push them away. The Wall gets even higher when neurodivergents are criticized by others who don’t understand why they can’t just mail that letter, when it seems like such a simple task.
How NOT to Deal with the Wall
Mahan notes that many people engage with the wall in unhelpful and critical ways: Staring at it, trying to get around it, and trying to “Hulk Smash” through it. “Staring at the Wall sets us up for being overwhelmed by the emotions it represents, causing us to freeze and accomplish nothing,” says Mahan. No amount of staring at a blank notebook is going to make a school essay appear on the page.
Others may try to “go around” the Wall, seeing if there are ways the task can be avoided. This might lead to the task going ignored as a person wishes for it to go away. But, for those of us who have faced the repercussions of an unpaid parking ticket, it’s clear that not every task can be avoided without consequences.
Alternatively, another person may try to “Hulk Smash” through it, using the powerful tool of anger to force themselves through the Wall. While the person may end up doing the task, it’s not without consequence. This anger may come out at loved ones–yelling, “FINE! I’LL DO THE DISHES!” at one’s spouse, leading to hurt feelings. Or, this anger could be turned inward–berating oneself and claiming that, if they were really a competent adult, they’d be able to complete a job application. This person’s rage at themselves may shame them into completing the task, but leave them feeling so poorly about themselves afterward that it may be a while before they can try another task.
How to Climb Your Wall of Awful
Luckily, there are ways that people can “climb the Wall.” As Mahan writes, “Climbing the Wall of Awful involves being aware of the emotions that are holding you back, accepting them, and then taking action to manage them,” such as by seeking supportive therapy, talking to friends, or practicing self-compassion. Mindfulness practices can help with this process as a person learns to refocus their attention to the present moment when they begin to feel overwhelmed by these emotions. Practicing the skill of focusing on one stimulus–one’s breath, an object, a sound–can help strengthen a person’s ability to manage these emotions so that the Wall becomes easier to climb.
A person can also try to “put a door” in the Wall to help make the transition to starting easier. Putting a door in the Wall means changing your emotional state as you try to motivate yourself to take that first step away from the couch. Music can be a powerful tool for shifting one’s emotions, such as by playing an energizing song to get oneself up and moving. Changing your environment by stepping outside or going to a coffee shop can also help your mind reset away from the responsibilities and distractions of home.
Another way to add a door is to let yourself do the task…poorly. Someone may feel paralyzed looking at their clothes hamper, immediately feeling overwhelmed at the implied steps: Sorting the laundry into piles, making sure to wash clothes on the right cycle, remembering when to transfer them to the dryer, folding them before they wrinkle, and putting them away. Laundry suddenly becomes a series of steps, leading to overwhelm and avoidance. Instead, consider, what would happen if the laundry isn’t done perfectly according to these steps? What if only delicate clothing is sorted separately, and the rest of the laundry is dumped in on one setting? What if only one load of laundry gets washed, and is then laid over a chair instead of folded neatly in a drawer? Consider if there are any arbitrary barriers in place that can be dropped. Your process for doing laundry may look different than how you were taught–but if it ends with you having clean clothes to wear, does it really matter?
Other strategies to help shift out of a frozen state can be to make the smallest movements and changes possible as you transition to the task. If you’re laying on the couch playing Candy Crush, see if you can keep playing…while wiggling one pinky finger. Once your pinky is moving, add another finger, then your hand. Keep going until multiple parts of your body are moving. See if you can stand up–while still focusing on your game–, and take small steps toward the area where the task lives. At this point you may have enough momentum to get started, or you can consider other ways to add pleasure to the task–listening to a podcast, watching a TV show, wearing a silly hat, drinking a favorite beverage. There is often no one “right” way to complete the different tasks in life, and no shame in figuring out the accommodations you can make to help them feel more bearable.
Staring up at the Wall of Awful can make taking that first step feel impossible. But, by showing yourself compassion, practicing imperfection, and adding pleasure, you may start to find that the Wall becomes easier and easier to climb. If you’d like support to climb your own Wall of Awful, reach out to our therapists here.
References
ADDA Editorial Team. “10 signs and symptoms of ADHD in adults (and when to get help).” Attention Deficit Disorder Association. October 11, 2022. https://add.org/signs-of-adhd/
ADDA Editorial Team. “ADHD paralysis is real: Here are 8 ways to overcome it.” Attention Deficit Disorder Association. December 7, 2022. https://add.org/adhd-paralysis/
ADHD Essentials. https://www.adhdessentials.com/
Honos-Webb, Dr. Lara. “Six super skills to build executive functioning in adults with ADHD.” ADDitude Magazine. February 21, 2022. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvEM1TBzK1w&list=PLTPF_AdEeKzcMBVgstoiNRlKN97jeT0iE&index=2
How to ADHD. “How to do something that should be easy (but…is…not).” April 30, 2019. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlObsAeFNVk
Mahan, Brendan. “5 ways to overcome the wall of awful.” ADHDessentials.com. 2016. https://www.adhdessentials.com/wp-content/uploads/5-Ways-to-Overcome-The-Wall-of-Awful.pdf
Smith, Dana G. “How to save yourself from ‘task paralysis’.” New York Times. December 12, 2022. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/12/12/well/mind/task-paralysis.html
