Break the Cycle of Parenting Burnout
Children can exhaust even the best parents. Successful marriages--and successful families--need healthy ways to recharge.
Warning: This blog mentions school gun violence. It might be helpful to check in with your support network. If you need to expand your network, please contact us.
Even in a slow news cycle, it’s harder than ever for parents to provide a home environment that is sufficient to protect their children’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. But America is plagued by gun violence. It can feel like the 24-hour news cycle is constantly updated with news of a recent school shooting. We’re bombarded with content, and that relentlessness can provoke a whirlwind of overwhelming emotions before the coverage stops. Then, without resolution, we are pushed into the cycle again. Shielding our children from this reality has led to habits of self sacrifice and marital sacrifice, which are both detrimental to individual and relationship functioning.
The heartbreak, helplessness and simultaneous relief that those of us not personally affected feel create a fuel source that often leads to parenting burnout. Burnout can happen in any sphere of our lives but parenting is the one area where society reinforces the belief that it’s necessary to push through challenges at full intensity to be a “good parent.” Stop and think about all the ways you denied or deprioritized your needs in recent months. I’m sure there are reasons for every instance. For parents, those reasons are likely tied to the people you love most: your children.
You may ask, “Well Rikia, how am I supposed to be a good parent if I don’t make as much space as possible for my children’s sports or hobbies? I would be depriving them.”
Dearest reader, you only have so much bandwidth, time, and resources to care for yourself, your children, and for your intimate relationship. Parenting is only one facet of who you are. It is not the totality of your identity or worth.
Parenting stress and burnout may feel unavoidable. You and your spouse or partner may already be experiencing this overwhelm. Be reassured: There are ways out of it…and every path will eventually require you to conquer your guilt.
Here are some ways to model balance and boundaries for your children. These concrete steps can help you break the cycle of parenting burnout:
Get parenting support or coaching. This can be from a therapist, certified coach, or a support group.
Work with your partner or support system to coordinate alone time and relationship time. This will not magically happen. It requires intention and collaboration.
Limit your exposure to traumatic media. The 24-hour news cycle is not healthy for anyone. Check out this blog for more on that topic.
Work to set household boundaries regarding self-care time. There is accountability and connection in everyone taking care of themselves.
Evaluate your expectations. We are often our own worst critic. Cut yourself some slack!
Have emotional conversations with your partner and children. We cannot problem-solve our way out of everything. Welcoming emotional expression creates a level of connection and closeness that endures.
References:
Abramson, A. (2021). The impact of parenting burnout. Monitor on Psychology. American Psychological Society, https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/10/cover-parental-burnout
Grover, S. (2023). Is parenting burnout destroying your marriage? How self-neglect undermines partnerships & parenting. Psychology Today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/when-kids-call-the-shots/201808/is-parenting-burnout-destroying-your-marriage
