Mindful of What?

Navigating rough waters requires one to be fully present in the moment.

If you’re like me six years ago, then you’re annoyed with hearing the term mindfulness. Or perhaps have tried it and “failed” or have decided, “it’s just not for me.”  I hated mindfulness. I would sit for what was actually minutes, but felt like hours, and attempt to get rid of thoughts and try to have an almost void like experience.  I would get antsy. I got frustrated. My mind would show up and give me thoughts of all the things I should be doing instead that were more productive Also, who even wants to be alone with their thoughts?! It’s scary in there. So I gave up, vowing never to attempt mindfulness again.

Turns out, I wasn’t practicing actual mindfulness.  Not only was it not mindfulness, but I wasn’t truly educated and informed on all the ways it could benefit me - other than “relaxation”.  There are a number of myths about what mindfulness IS.  Check out a few notable myths below that may help make it less mystical. 

Myth #1:  Mindfulness is completely clearing your mind of all thoughts

False.

Mindfulness is simply the act of being completely present in the moment, nonjudgmentally.  This includes awareness of thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, sounds, smells, taste, sights, urges, etc.

Why does this matter?

Ever have the experience of being in the company of someone you enjoy, perhaps your spouse, your kid(s), a friend or a family member, and all of sudden you begin to either feel the murmurings of an emotion or an intrusive thought show up and suddenly you’re sent spiraling down the thought rabbit hole?  Meanwhile, conversation or laughter or activity is going on around you and you are completely in the dark of what someone might’ve said after you somehow manage to climb yourself out of the mindhole you just went down.

Mindfulness practice can help you be completely aware in that moment that a familiar thought or emotion is showing up and that you can just be simply aware of it without plummeting down into the abyss.  This awareness can allow you to make the decision to notice the thought and then come back to the present moment, fully engaged with your life and missing less moments.   All of our moments in life are valuable, even the painful ones.

Myth #2:  Mindfulness should make me relaxed

False.

Actual mindfulness practice can be quite uncomfortable.  I tell my clients or anyone learning about mindfulness that there are some mindfulness practices that are the equivalent of going to the gym for your brain, and other mindfulness practices that are like going to the spa for your brain.  There’s a lot of work that goes into the gym. Similarly, there’s a lot of work that goes into these mindfulness practices.  I encourage people to take the brain to this metaphorical gym more than the spa because the “muscle” we are building in mindfulness is incredibly important to being able to live a fully meaningful life.

Why is this important?

Mindfulness practice is like being able to hit a pause button between noticing a thought or feeling show up and acting on it.   Most times, our behaviors that are in reaction to these feelings or thoughts are avoidant or in an attempt to get rid of the feeling or thought because we find so much discomfort in them.  For most of us, these reactive behaviors are ones that we end up feeling bad about and thus gets us further and further from our values.  We have to build up this “muscle” to hit that pause button.

Myth #3:  I should feel immediately better after a mindfulness practice

False.

Building up the mindfulness “muscle” takes a lot of time.  If you’ve ever participated in a sport, band, dance, etc, then you would spend a tremendous amount of time in “practice” prior to a performance.  The more often you practice mindfulness and the more consistent you are, the more effective it will be in your life.

Why do I care about this?

When mindfulness has truly taken root in your life, I liken it to the experience of being in the eye of a tornado.  The eye of the tornado is calm and steady, while chaos erupts around you.  Still, you’re able to just simply observe the noise and chaos without getting swept up in it.

And lastly, Myth #4:  If I’m alone with my thoughts, they’ll get worse

False, with a caveat.

Having a mindfulness practice actually takes the power back from your obnoxious mind and places it back in YOU. YOU are not your mind. YOU are not your thoughts.  You have the power to decide where your mind goes and what behaviors you want to engage in. How rockstar is that? 

Caveat** If you are in a severely distressed state, or have unprocessed trauma, please consult with a therapist prior to engaging in mindfulness as there are ways to navigate this in a safe way.**